Do you keep returning to the very thing you want to get away from? If so, then it’s time to look at the actions you’ve been taking that have kept you where you are.
It’s not easy to point the finger at yourself; especially when you feel like your life’s circumstances is preventing you from breaking away. Specifically, I am talking about your career. In my own experience, I have “declared” more than once, that I was leaving teaching. But, saying this didn’t always give me the results I wanted. My mom told me “You’re so good at teaching and the kids love you. You can’t leave.” My husband would do his best to commiserate with me, but at the same time I could feel his anxiety and worry about me leaving a career I had invested so much time and money into.
I worried, too. There was a lot of “sweat equity” in the 10 years it took me to get my undergraduate degree. I added four more years of degrees to that! I remember the WTF moment I opened my first month’s teaching check. It was $2700! A whole month of lesson plans, over 100 students, loads of grading, late after school meetings, required summer trainings, over $150 of my own money spent on classroom supplies, plus the taxes and insurance. I didn’t think it was “fair” then and I still felt the same way 15 years later, yet I kept at it because I was good at teaching, got along well with the kids, was even awarded “teacher of the year,” not to mention teaching made it easier to keep a closer eye on my three kids. In 2018, I had to draw the line though. It was midnight and I was in the school building GRADING! Yes, grading so I could get ahead to have the next day off to go see my thyroid specialist. I ended up resigning from this job and swore I was going to dive headfirst into an online coaching business but I got scared. And so I took another teaching job.
When we received the email on March 16, 2020 that the schools were shutting down, I was not sad. I thought moving to another town and working in a different school system would change my heart, but it did not. So, I decided to try working with kids in a different setting. I found a neat job on Indeed that put me in the non-profit world, creating fun activities and events for children and their families who’ve experienced trauma. I actually loved this position, BUT THE PAY was nearly half of what I earned as a teacher and I was DOING A LOT LOT LOT! In 2023, my husband and I decided to sell our expensive city house and downsize to a small cottage in a small rural town we both know well. (and both said we’d never want to live in).
A month ago I found out that special education teachers can work as consultants through a staffing agency, earning a very good hourly pay so I went for it (instead of going for the mentoring business that I keep saying I want to do). Two and half weeks in and I do not enjoy the position at all which has led me to this article, wondering what IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? So, I did a little digging, because that’s what we do when we want to cherry pick reasons on Google to explain our situations. I searched “why do people stay in careers they do not like anymore.” The first article I saw was one from CNBC talking about engagement and disengagement and I get it, but for me, it’s the amount of work I was doing as an educator that doesn’t show up on my paycheck. Some will say “you knew teachers didn’t make enough when you were getting your degree.” I will reply, “I guess I was naive, because no I did not.” I actually didn’t understand a whole lot about the profession I was entering because I was busy barely scraping by working two-three jobs to take care of myself.
Let me say, also, that my relationship with money is one that I grew up with. Poverty mindset goes like this: get paid, pay the title pawn, pay the local finance company, go out to eat several times, pay bills (car, insurance, utilities), ignore any other bills, repeat. That’s what I learned growing up and we lived in a lot of different houses and towns throughout my childhood. When I was in college, a sweet little lady at the bank sat me down and taught me about non-sufficient funds. I didn’t understand credit scores until I was in my mid-20’s and by then I had maxed out my first credit card on groceries and ATM cash withdrawals. I was a late starter, to say the least, and looking back, I feel ignorant but also give myself a little grace.
I’ve stayed in my [dis]comfort zone far too long which has made me complacent and limited my potential. When I thought I was being resilient, I was actually being ok with adversity. Each day that has went by without me starting has been a day missed. My mentors have told me this and I certainly am fed up with myself. What am I going to do? I’m getting started!
I have a couple of close mentors in my life. The best of us always need someone to learn from. One of my mentors is Allie Reeves. I’ve watched her grow her business from when she wasn’t making any money to earning six figures. At the end of a month-long mentorship, Allie told me “Mary Alice, you are more of a teacher than I am. You’ve got to believe in yourself. Believe that.” Another mentor I look up to is the author Janisse Ray. I’ve taken courses from Janisse and I remember her saying in a webinar “set goals like a crazy person, revisit the goals, keep agreements with yourself, you must do all you can while you occupy your time on this Earth.”
I recognize that I need accountability and I need to believe more in my abilities as a business builder and as a mentor. If you are struggling, too, find some comfort knowing you are not alone. Visualize yourself where you want to be. See the place, the colors, the sounds. And get back to me on whether or not you are making THE THING your heart most desires happen.
I’d be ever so grateful to connect with you on Instagram and if you’re in the area, catch me in the musical Nunsense in Bartow, Georgia.
I was wondering where you were! Now I know! Good for you, Mary Alice. Because we need the bling flowing in from somewhere, so get it where you can. And just keep moving toward where you want to be. You are doing phenomenally.